


Home to you

by orphan_account



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Canon Gay Character, Deaf Character, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Some characters are only mentioned - Freeform, a lot of swearing, still figuring out how to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-03-20 08:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18989263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Right now, Grizz wished he could have stayed in the woods. There, he was... happy - happier. He didn't worry about the whole town, or the fucking coup that apparently took place. No psychopaths who play an elaborate game to fucked up for anyone else to understand. And most importantly, he thinks, no Sam Eliot who as of a couple of days ago is a fucking father.--The events of the last episode plus continuation, the POV switches every now and then.





	1. A new beginning

**Grizz**

 

Grizz felt content as he wandered through the woods with the other explorers, well other  _teenagers_ really, they were all tired and chilled the bone but there was no denying that the good news they carried with them had left them all excited and happy. The promise of land and turkeys and  _food_  would cheer everyone up, that he was certain of. He had sensed the tension in every soul in New Ham before he left, especially in Allie. When he left, she'd been preparing for the election. Objectively, an election organized and held by teens shouldn't be so important, but it could change everything. Grizz knew,  _hoped,_ that the majority understood that Allie was the best solution, but the talk he had with the guys before he left scared him. If by some miracle the guard won the election their fragile society would fall apart before they could even understand what happened. But he had to have hope, hope in Allie and Will and the people. And even if it all went to shit, they would still survive. They would farm and hunt and forget about stupid politics that no one understood anyway. Grizz looked around, saw the crisp vibrant leaves covering the ground and the almost naked trees barely sheltering them from the cold, biting wind.

Of course, his mind drifted to Sam. Sam, who'd kissed him that day, hidden away in the forest. Sam, who'd kissed him with such passion, as if it would be their last kiss. Honestly, neither of them knew if it would be. He wondered what Sam was doing, if he was okay and safe at home. And because his mind hates him, pictures of Sam and Becca cosied up together looking lovingly at a baby with blue eyes as vibrant and beautiful as their fathers flashed before his eyes. Grizz  _knew_ that it wasn't like that, or at least that's what Sam time after time told him.  _It's not like that,_ he had said. Grizz wasn't even sure what  _that_ meant, not like what he and Sam had? What did they have, really. One night of bliss and then the shitshow that followed, what would that be labeled as? A  _relationship?_ A  _hookup?_ All Grizz knew was that he really,  _really,_ liked Sam Eliot. He liked him since the first time he saw him, the boy with fiery hair and expressive hands who's eyes seemed to hold all the emotions in the world at once. Grizz stayed away then, because he kept telling himself that he could wait. Wait for another time, for another boy. The crush would disappear after a while and he could continue playing his role until he was finally free. Free to move away to college and do whatever the fuck he wanted. And then this happened. They got trapped in some sort of alternative, new  _universe_ and his plans were ruined. He got tired of pretending. Pretending as if he gave a fuck about his friends constant whining about the new rules and how  _there's no hot college chicks._ Pretending as if just being in the same room as Sam didn't make him sweat and forget how to breathe. So he stopped. He stopped pretending and put his heart out there. He flirted and stared openly and waited for Sam to realize how  _badly_ Grizz wanted it, wanted him. He never actually thought that it would lead somewhere, never thought that he'd muster up the courage to actually act on his feelings. So at thanksgiving he surprised himself when he mumbled out  _how do you say "kiss me"?._ He was even more surprised when Sam actually kissed him, and then again and again with his warm hands cradling his face. Grizz wasn't used to being led, to being the one who followed, but  _god_ it felt good. Sam was gentle when his kisses became harder, deeper. When he leaned Grizz backwards on the bed so they were horizontal which was  _a lot._ When his hand wandered, exploring Grizz, eyes asking a silent question to which Grizz' answer was  _yes,_ always yes. When Grizz himself with a surge of confidence unbuttoned Sam's pants with one hand with the other buried in his hair and-

"Grizz? Hello? Do you _want_ to stay here forever or what? Hurry up" Gwen's voice cut through his thoughts and Grizz realized that he's fallen behind, the rest of the group looking curiously at him. He hurried up to them, rolling his eyes at Gwen. He got her point though, no amount of weed or grilled fish could make them miss home any less. If their calculations were correct, they'd be home in just a few hours. That made everyone walk just a bit faster and with a little more purpose, even Mikey who bitched about the cold and how much better it would be if _I could just bring my Nintendo bro_ the whole time. They didn't stop to rest as much as they did before, the only time they actually stopped was to make a mark to make it easier to find the clearing again. They walked in silence, focusing on not tripping over roots or rocks hidden underneath the fallen leafs. It was almost as if time worked differently in the woods, and before they knew it they'd been walking hours on end. Somehow, it felt like Grizz could sense the towns closeness. Before the trees got rarer and they could see streetlights glimmer from afar, Grizz knew that they were close to home. The others could to, and in his excitement Mikey started running, and the others were tempted to follow his lead, until he tripped on a root and fell to the ground with a shout.

"Dude, you okay?" Grizz shouted, he knew that it was fine deep down, but he still felt as if he needed to be really careful. If something would've happened in the woods again... he didn't know how he would handle that. Mikey was already on his feet, unfazed and still running. He heard Bean mutter something about _careless idiots,_ but there wasn't a bite to her words. The group had become unlikely friends during their time in the woods, bonding over giggling stories told when they were all stoned as fuck. Grizz hoped their camaraderie would keep intact even after the expedition, it was nice bonding with people he never really thought he would get the chance to know. And now when his days with the guard were pretty much over, it would be nice to have people there for him. They could see houses now, but to their surprise they seemed to be empty. No movements could be seen when looking in to the windows, but no one wasted time on that. They headed into the heart of the town, on their way to the church where they had decided to meet with Allie as soon as they came back. They wandered down the quiet streets dirty and tired, eager to share their news and finally have access to warm water and comfortable beds. 

"Can you hear? It sounds like shouting" Bean exclaimed, looking in the direction of the library with a frown on her face. Now that she said it, Grizz could hear it too. Shouting and someone trying to talk over the murmurs of a crowd, maybe Allie called to some kind of emergency meeting? They all looked at each other and made their way over to the riot. The closer they got the louder and angrier the crowd seemed. They got closer and saw what seemed to be the whole town standing by the edge of the library's main entrance, looking expectantly at-  _what the fuck._ Lexie was standing in front of them, trying to calm the angry crowd down, but Grizz couldn't hear her. He was focused on Allie and Will who where held by Jason and Clark like fucking  _prisoners,_ and behind them Harry and Campbell stayed, watching the scene unfurl. Luke's there too, looking uncomfortable but determined, and Grizz is just so fucking  _confused._

"What the fuck is going on Luke?" He asks, looking at his friend. His friend who he trusted to be smarter than this. Smarter than to be on board with whatever the fuck this is. 

"Stay quiet, Grizz" Luke answers, sounding like another fucking person.  _What the fuck._ Gwen comes up beside him, and Grizz knows that the betrayed look on her face is showing on his own too.

"What are you doing Clark?" She asks, but she gets no answer. Clark looks away, avoiding eye contact like a  _fucking coward._

"Did you find land, Grizz?" Allie interrupts, her voice thick but with a glimmer of hope. Grizz inspects her quickly, she looks fine except for a cut above her eye and for the millionth time under the course of a few minutes Grizz thinks  _what the fuck._

"Yeah Allie, we found land to farm. And animals and fish" Grizz answers, ignoring Lexie's gasp and the murmurs from the crowd. "Why is she bleeding?" He redirects his attention to Luke, hoping to get a reasonable fucking explanation on what the  _fuck_ is going on. 

"A lot happened while you were gone. You'll find out later" Luke gives him an answer that barely even counts,  _what_ will he find out later? Who is even behind that? It isn't hard to guess, not with Campbell standing there in the background, but he wants someone to say it. To address the huge fucking mess they made when he leaves for a fucking  _week._

"Listen to me!" Lexie demanded, voice filled with faked confidence and calmness. "Everything stays the same. Okay? When things change, they'll change slowly. We'll learn how to farm. We'll be okay. Just for now, go back to your houses. Dinner at six in the cafeteria, as usual. Just... go home. Go home." Her little speech ended, and she looked pleased. Out of the corner of his eye, Grizz could see Allie scoffing. Grizz felt like laughing and crying at the same time. What the fuck was the point of this fucking ordeal if Lexie would just do what Allie did? She must have thought she could do something better, different. Only now she realized that there  _was_ no better way. Grizz didn't even give a fuck, if no one would give him answers he'll find them himself. Walking away, in no particular direction, he gets stopped by Bean. Despite the absolute train wreck they just witnessed, a huge smile has taken over her face.

"Grizz! Did you hear the good news? Gordie just texted me." She says, voice so happy that it almost seemed like it wasn't the same Bean who just saw Allie, their leader and  _friend_ handcuffed and pulled into a car. 

"Good news? How is anything right now  _good?"_ He asks, and instead of an answer he just gets a phone shoved in his face. he backs up a bit to see a text and a picture attachment sent by Gordie.  _It's a girl!_ The text says, and the picture shows a tiny  _tiny_ baby wrapped in so many blankets that the head is barely visible. And  _okay, this is too much._ Right now, Grizz wished he could have stayed in the woods. There, he was... happy - _happier_. He didn't worry about the whole town, or the fucking _coup_ that apparently took place. No psychopaths who play an elaborate game to fucked up for anyone else to understand. And most importantly, he thinks, no Sam Eliot who as of a couple of days ago is a fucking _father_.


	2. The Garden Of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was the first born baby in New Ham, which would be a lot more hopeful if it wasn’t Sam’s baby. Grizz didn’t know how he would react on seeing the baby, or Sam again. But he had to see him. He had to talk to him about this, about their last kiss and what Sam meant by it. They needed to talk about how Grizz really didn’t want that to be their goodbye.

**Grizz**

 

It was all too much. It was too much for Grizz to handle. He didn’t know how everything could go so wrong in a matter of days, or how the fuck it would go back to normal. He almost felt guilty about how Allie and Will weren’t the ones he worried about, at least not as much as other things. It’s not like Grizz could help them, not when he didn't even know what was going on.  But the feeling of despair overshadowed whatever guilt he might feel. All he could think about was Sam. Sam was a dad. He had a beautiful baby daughter who he would raise with his best friend, and in everyone’s eyes they would be a loving fucking _couple_ or something. Grizz didn’t know if it was better or worse that he knew the truth, that it was a one time thing. That Sam was gay. Maybe it was worse. Now when he’d gotten a taste of what he _could_ get, he’d be ruined for the rest of his life. If they were home, it’d be different. Grizz would move far away and Sam would just be his first crush (first _love_ ). Here, Grizz would never escape Sam or his feelings. Sam would always be there, and so would Grizz. Rationally, he knew that things could be worse. That things _are_ worse. The town was in Campbell’s hands, maybe not officially, but it was clear that whatever control Lexie and Harry thought they had it was all according to Campbell’s plan. Whatever the fuck that plan even was. Grizz still hadn’t been properly filled in, all he knew was that the election was off, and that it was Allie’s fault. It was all bullshit. Anyone with half a brain could see that this was _clearly_ a ploy. Or at least so he thought. The people of New Ham ate up Lexie’s words and let themselves be steered by anger and lust for change. He couldn’t blame them, they wanted someone to blame and hate so they could forget even for a second how serious their situation actually was. Grizz himself wasn’t even sure that he wouldn’t act the same way, if he got desperate enough.

Grizz was walking down the streets, he didn’t really know where he was going. He just wanted to be away from everyone. Away from the Guard, and from Lexie who played authority as if she knew what she was doing. He found himself wanting to go back to the woods, which he knew would be stupid. As much as he wanted to, leaving everyone behind was unfair. He had the advantage of knowing how to get around and survive out there, but others couldn’t just pack up their life and leave. _Sam couldn’t do it._ Maybe in some alternative universe he and Sam could run away and live their life out in the forest. Hunting and farming, cut away from the rest. But Sam had a family. He had a baby and a… _baby mama?_ He had people who needed him, and there’s no telling if Sam liked Grizz enough to even consider living with him on their own like that. But if he didn’t like him, why kiss Grizz like that? Why would he ask him to come back if he didn’t want something with him? But what _did_ he want? Someone to kiss at night in secret to later go back and play house and raise a baby? That didn’t sound like the Sam he knew, not like the sweet Sam he fell helplessly for. But, admittedly, he didn’t think getting a girl pregnant sounded like something Sam would do either. Yet here they fucking are. Maybe it could work, somehow. He and Sam could be… together, if Becca would be cool with it. Grizz had ignored the part _Becca_ played in their relationship, but now when the baby is born he can’t help but to think about it, and her. She’s the one who can clear this all up. Sam would tell her and she could be totally cool with it, with them. But Grizz doubts Sam is in any hurry to tell her, if he’s even planning on telling her. That would surely burst their little bubble of happiness. Grizz can’t even be mad at Sam for taking his time. He gets that Becca needs to be calm and only focus on one thing right now, especially when things are already fucking crazy as they are. He _gets_ that it’s completely reasonable. But he doesn’t want to be reasonable. For once in his life Grizz wants to fuck what everyone else needs and thinks and just do whatever the fuck he wants. And he wants Sam in his life, fully. Not as a secret, or as this half thing they have going on. And he’s been pretty clear to Sam about it too. When Grizz put Sam on the spot, asking him about them, he never really got a straight answer. He knows that Sam wants to be with him, but what is he willing to do to make it happen? Risk not being a part of his daughter’s life? Grizz doubts that Becca would go so far as that, not when they’re all trapped here. But why would she be okay with her child’s father being with another guy? The whole situation feels fucking insane. Just thinking about it made Grizz' head hurt, or maybe it was the combination of everything that happened that made him feel as if someone had bashed a brick into his fucking head.

He had ended up at his own place, staying out after dark definitely wasn’t safe on a day like this. His room just reminded him even more of Sam, about what they did. How they’d stayed entangled in his sheets for hours, talking and… well. But he was too tired to even care properly. He took of his layers of clothes, throwing them on the already messy carpet. His body was aching, long limbs feeling too heavy. He looked to the general direction of his bathroom and _fuck it,_ showering wasn't _that_ important. He stumbled down on his bed, pulled the comforter over his head and closing his eyes. He thanked his lucky stars that he'd never had trouble sleeping, even after days like these - not that any days of his previous life were even on the same _level_ as this one, and he was out like a light.

-

Grizz woke up to an annoying buzz, and realized too late that it was his phone ringing. He squinted and tried to read the notifications on the small screen with tired eyes. It was Bean who called, apparently. She sent a text too, telling him she’ll be waiting at the hospital for him, so they can fill in Gordie on what they found - and Gordie can tell them what the fuck’s been going on around here. She also added _And you can finally meet the baby!,_ probably hoping that that would motivate Grizz to come. _Fuck._ The baby. The first born baby in New Ham, which would be a lot more hopeful if it wasn’t _Sam’s_ baby. Grizz didn’t know how he would react on seeing the baby, or Sam again. But he had to see him. He had to talk to him about this, about their last kiss and what Sam meant by it. They needed to talk about how Grizz really didn’t want that to be their goodbye. After he sent a quick reply to Bean, he rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He showered quickly, but made sure that he was clean (and maybe he put conditioner in his hair, but _not_ because he knew how much Sam liked how shiny it was). He found clean clothes in the bottom of a drawer, laundry wasn’t really something he remembered or wanted to do. He looked around the room one last time, and then he was out the door.

The walk over to the hospital took shorter time than Grizz thought it would, and before he could even think about it he was at the reception looking down at Kelly. She was engrossed in some kind of medical textbook, not noticing him. He felt a bit out of place in his dirty boots and big jacket, as if he was a smudge on a white, sterile surface. He cleared his throat awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. _Hey! I'm here to get my heart broken/see my crush and his baby._ Yeah, that'd do it.

"Grizz, Hi! It's good to have you back. Gordie's waiting for you in Becca's room, I'll show you!" Her voice was chipper, but she looked tired. She had dark rings under her eyes, and her shoulder were slumped over. She must've had her hands full with the baby's arrival. When she saw him, she straightened up, smiling at him. It struck him how much she'd changed, in his eyes she'd never really been her own person in high school, just someone who followed Harry around. Now she's a freaking _doctor_ or something.

"Hey, yeah. It's good to be back." It could have been true, if it wasn't for, well, _everything._ He knew that it was unnecessary to lie, everyone knew what nothing here was _good,_  but Grizz just wanted to pretend like everything was fine. And besides, he had bigger things to worry about. They walked past identical corridors and doors until Kelly stopped at one. This is it. Behind that door was Sam, who he hadn't seen in a week. Who last time he saw him, had kissed him and held him. Who told him that he _cares_ about him. Grizz almost wanted to back out, to leave and pretend as if this wasn't real. Seeing the baby would be it, there would be no denying it then. Kelly was blissfully unaware about the turmoil going on inside Grizz' brain, and pushed him inside, announcing their arrival.

The room was small, white linoleum covered the floor, the walls pale. A painting of what looked like the church in its glory days was hung on the wall, an attempt to lively up the room. Clearly, the room wasn't meant to fit more than a hospital bed, but someone had crammed in as many chairs as possible in the room. Becca has sitting on the bed, looking up at them, smiling. She looked rugged and tired, which made sense for some who'd just given birth. But there was this glow around her, an aura of happiness and hope. She was cradling the baby, who was sleeping peacefully on her mothers chest. On her right side Bean and Gordie sat, chatting quietly, only stopping when they saw Grizz and Kelly. Lastly, there was Sam. Seeing him again almost knocked the air out of Grizz' lungs, because even though he looked exhausted he was still so, _so_ beautiful. His chair was pulled close to the bed, so he could easily reach the baby. He looked relieved at the sight of him, which made Grizz’ stomach flip in a not entirely unpleasant way. Sam opened his mouth and raised his hands as if to speak, but Becca did instead.

“Grizz, hi. We’ve been waiting for you. We all want to hear about the expedition.” Her voice was hoarse, but still kind and genuine. She spoke slowly and signed along. They all nodded along, except for Kelly who intervened.

“The expedition can wait, Grizz still hasn’t met her!” She looked pointedly at the small baby, and Grizz smiled awkwardly.

"You're right, of course. Come closer, meet the first baby of New Ham" Becca said the last words with a ridiculously pompous voice, making him chuckle. Grizz has been to busy wallowing to remember that he actually liked Becca, with her quick wit. He shuffled closer, until he was by the foot of the bed.

"Has anyone told you her name yet?" Becca asked, and Grizz shook his head. Becca looked at Sam, who had been watching them with a tired smile. He took this as a cue to take over and locked eyes with Grizz. Just looking into those eyes sent Grizz' heart into a frenzy.

"It's Eden." _E-D-E-N_ he signed along, smiling even wider. Grizz smiled back because that's so _fitting,_ Eden.

"It's a lovely name" He said, almost whispering to not disturb Eden.

"Do you want to hold her?" Becca's question came as a surprise, and what was even more surprising was that he found himself actually wanting to. Grizz didn't expect to _like_ this little baby - not like he'd go around _hating_ a child, but still. It was impossible not to fall in love with her. He nodded, carefully taking Eden from Becca's outstretched arms. She was warm, and _alive_ in his arms, as he held her close. He never really thought about kids, but now, with her in his arms he felt almost _jealous_ of Becca and Sam, who got to share this little miracle. He felt her stir in her bundle of blankets and froze. Fuck, _please don't start crying._ He looked up in panic and quickly handed her to Sam, who was smiling fondly ( _no,_ Grizz did _not_ have butterflies in his fucking stomach). Eden calmed down almost instantly after Sam took her, probably calmed by her dads presence. _Right,_ Sam was still the father.

After a while, Bean interrupted them, taking their attention away from Eden.

"Okay, enough chitchat. We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is becoming a lot bigger than I thought it would be, but there's so much about The Society that I want to expand and explore, especially what Grizz' relationship with Eden and Becca might look like. Thank you for reading the second chapter!
> 
> I really appreciate feedback and comments!


	3. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weeks ago, Grizz was fuming. He was angry, and hurt. He was fucking heartbroken. But now, with everything that had happened, Grizz could feel nothing but longing. Longing for Sam, for a relationship. Everything that seemed significant then couldn’t matter less now.

**Grizz**

 

They talked for what could be hours about a hypothetical farm and who would be smart enough to set it up (everyone in the small room looked over at Grizz), but eventually they moved on to Eden. Apparently, Becca would be in shape to leave the hospital in a couple of days, which meant that they'd need a nursery. Grizz didn't know why he even though of it, but he volunteered to help set it up. Maybe part of the reason was that it was _Sam_ who asked for help (who was he kidding, of course Sam was the only reason). Grizz wanted to kick himself for being so pathetic, he’d do almost anything just to spend time with Sam, even painting Sam’s fucking _daughters_ room. Discussing Eden’s sleep habits was not what Grizz really wanted to do, he wanted real answers about what was going on in New Ham, but the group silently agreed to focus on the positive - and a baby seemed pretty damn positive in their situation.

 He was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, and when he looked up he noticed that both Bean and Gordie had left, and Becca was sleeping on the bed, with Eden in her arms. His stomach flipped. Sam was touching his shoulder. Grizz was almost annoyed at himself for freaking out over such a small thing, but it was _Sam_ for fucks sake. He looked up to meet the other boys vibrant blue eyes, and _shit,_ he was really fucking close.

 “Grizz.” Sam’s quiet voice soothed him and unnerved him at the same time. His time in the woods was spent mostly thinking about Sam. About what Grizz would say to him when he’d return. He laid in his tent at night, composing long monologues. He had figured out exactly what to say and how he’d say it. But now, sitting in an uncomfortable hospital chair, looking up at the boy he _loved,_ he had no fucking clue what to say.

 “Yeah?” His voice cracked and he cringed, before realizing that Sam couldn’t hear it anyway. Grizz signed along, even though he just said one word, which made Sam smile. Making Sam smile was something Grizz always strived to do, even in high school when he saw Sam laughing with Becca on the other side of the cafeteria he knew that _he_ wanted to be the reason for that smile.

 “I was thinking - I mean, maybe we could talk? We haven’t seen each other in a… a while” Sam sounded nervous, his hands signing too fast for Grizz to catch all of it.

 “Yeah, of course. That’d be good.” Sam tilted his head to the door, and Grizz followed him out of the room and out to the empty, quiet corridor. Before thinking twice, or at all, Grizz pulled Sam into a crushing hug, because he’d missed him so _fucking much._ Sam didn’t hesitate before he hugged him back, and Grizz wanted to stay there forever. Wrapped up in Sams arms, inhaling his scent and feeling so utterly _safe._ Weeks ago, Grizz was fuming. He was angry, and _hurt._ He was fucking heartbroken. But now, with everything that had happened, Grizz could feel nothing but longing. Longing for Sam, for a relationship. Everything that seemed significant then couldn’t matter less now. He reluctantly pulled away, so Sam could see his lips.

 “I missed you. A lot.” Grizz didn’t even try to hide his desperation, because _what was the point?_ Sam stepped closer, to the point where Grizz could see every tiny freckle on his face. He pushed away a strand of hair from Grizz’ face, tucking it behind his ear. During the short time they’ve been together, Grizz found out that Sam _really_ liked playing with his hair.

 “I missed you too. More than you can imagine.” Sam’s voice matched his own, filled with adoration and longing. An ugly, jealous part of Grizz wanted to question Sam. How much could one miss someone when they just had a fucking baby? It was hard to let go of those insecurities, even when he had Sam in his arms. They found a bench where they sat down, closer than necessary, but he sat nowhere near as close to Sam as Grizz wanted to.

 “I don’t really know what to say except I’m sorry.” Sam started, and when Grizz made a move to interrupt Sam held up a hand and continued “It’s my fault that we’re even having this conversation, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you, and I shouldn’t have expected you to understand. I like you. A lot. And I want a life with you, but I realize that I can’t have that. It’s selfish of me to think that you’d be okay with being with me as i raise Eden, and there’s no way I’d leave Becca to do that herself. I wish there was another way, but it’s for the best.” Sam had turned away from Grizz as he spoke, stubbornly looking up at the white ceiling. Guilt was eating away at Grizz, because Sam thought that he gave him what he wanted. Because of how he’d reacted before. Because of how he shouted and cried, he thought that Grizz wanted him gone. He touched Sam’s knee, gently, unsure if he was allowed. When Sam turned back to him, Grizz smiled and wiped the tears from Sam’s cheek - like he’d done to Grizz in the woods, the last time they saw each other.

 “Don’t apologize” Grizz stated, pausing as he tried to find the right words “I know you think that this is what’s right, and honestly, I thought so too. At first. My reaction to all this wasn’t… ideal, to say the least. I didn’t listen to what you had to say, and _I’m_ sorry for that. But i don’t care if you’re having a baby Sam. I care about you. I asked you how you wanted to live, and all I know is that I want to live my life with you.” Grizz felt as if he couldn’t breathe. The intense look in Sam’s eyes was almost too much to look at, but Grizz held his gaze. He had said what he wanted to say the time first time around, when he let his anger get the best of him. When Sam leaned in, Grizz was too eager to do the same. When their lips met he was almost overwhelmed by how good it felt. His first kiss with Sam had been revolutionary. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before, definitely nothing like kissing girls. It felt… empty, to kiss girls. But kissing Sam, kissing Sam was _everything._ The kiss was simple, just lips touching. Not like the erratic ones they shared that night in his bedroom, when they were both nervous and excited and turned on as _hell._ It was a comfort, meant to calm them both down. Sam’s hand on his cheek was a welcome warmth, and he leaned into it. His own hands were on Sams chest, as if to make sure that he’s there, and real. Sam pulled away, and Grizz followed him, tried to prolong the kiss. It made Sam chuckle, which made Grizz’ heart flutter. He was so fucking gone for this boy.

 “As much as I’d love to continue this, I think we should head back in. Becca wouldn’t like waking up alone.” Sam’s voice was relaxed, giddy almost, which made Grizz strangely proud. _He_ made Sam sound like that, he was the reason for the blissed out expression on his face. Grizz knew he looked the same, even after just a kiss. Not even Becca could damper his mood, not now, when he knew that Sam wanted to be with him, fully.

 “You’re right. And seeing us walk in together would be kind of weird right? I’m guessing it’s still all new to her, you told her recently didn’t you?” His heart sank at Sam’s expression. _Shit._ He hadn’t told her. That’s the only thing his guilty look could mean. He couldn’t even meet Grizz’ eyes.

 “Sam. You _have_ told her, right?” Grizz didn’t know why even bothered to ask, but he wanted to hear it from Sam. Most of all, he wanted to hear _of course I told her, that’s why we’re here, talking._ But of course, nothing can ever go the way he fucking wants them to.

 “Grizz…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I finally wrote their "official" reunion, which is what I wanted this fic to be centered around. Now that they have talked, the fic will definitely focus more on their relationship. This chapter was shorter than the others, but I knew that if I didn't cut it here it would go on forever. The next ones will be longer.
> 
> Tell me what you think! Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.


	4. Talk it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was having a hard time figuring out how to continue this fic from here, so I switched it up a bit. This chapter is written from Sam's point of view. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Sam**

 

"Grizz..." He started, reaching out. Grizz stepped out of reach, shaking his head. Fuck. Everything had been so good, only for it to go straight to hell again. And it's his fault. He wanted to talk to Becca, so badly. He wanted to tell her the day it happened, because normally that's what he'd do. They’re best friends, he was _supposed_ to talk to her about crushes and sex (more specifically, the sex he had with Grizz, the _amazing, spectacular…)._ But with Eden, everything became so complicated. He promised her that he’d be there for her, for them. Taking care of a baby was a full time job, and Sam planned on following through. But he wanted this too. He wanted a relationship, he wanted to be with Grizz. Maybe he could have both. He could raise Eden with Becca _and_ be with Grizz. Maybe he could have all we wanted, all he _needed._ But he blew his chance. If only he’d talked to Becca, if only he had the fucking courage to do it.

Sam looked up at Grizz, saw his closed off expression - he didn’t miss the unshed tears in his eyes, and felt as a surge of guilt ran through him. He was the reason for Grizz’ pain, and he hated it. He hated that he couldn’t fix it.

“We’re going around in circles, Sam. I can’t do this anymore”. Grizz talked almost too fast for Sam to follow, he kept his eyes trained on the brunettes lips, desperate not to miss a single word.

“I _wanted_ to talk to her, but everything is just…” Sam didn’t even know how to continue, his hands fell down to his sides helplessly. He looked pleadingly at Grizz, trying to convey all his feelings into one look.

“I know. Everything is shit right now. Not just us, _everything._ So maybe it’s best if we just… stop. Focus on other things.” Grizz looked as heartbroken as Sam felt, but he looked determined as well. Sam raised his hands, but Grizz gently wrapped his hand around Sam’s right wrist, and stopped him.

“This is for the best, okay?” Grizz slowly signed the sentence, and Sam wanted to cry. Grizz was so sweet, he’d done so much for him, and no it was… over. Done. “I’ll see you”. Grizz turned around, and walked away. Sam hoped he would turn around, just one last time. Or maybe he’d run back, like in the romcoms he and Becca watched (back then, they’d make fun of how desperate the characters seemed to be, but right now, Sam couldn’t blame them). But he didn’t. He walked away and Sam stared at his back until he couldn’t. He stood there, in the empty hospital corridor, for what could be hours or minutes. _Fuck this._ He dried the tears he didn’t knew he shed, and went back to Becca’s room.

Becca was still seeping when he arrived, blankets tangled by the foot of the bed (she was like a furnace, that girl), Eden asleep on her chest. Sam's heart melted at the sight. This is what he wanted to be apart of, this family. The _first_ family in New Ham. But God, how he wished Grizz could be apart of it too. They could... coexist. Him, Grizz, Becca and Eden. But Grizz didn't want that, at least not now. Sam waited to long, wasn't _brave_ enough. If he _just_ talked to Becca, if Grizz _just_ forgave him, if _just..._ fuck. He was too late, it was his own fucking fault. It was just too complicated, like a knot he had no idea how to untie.

His thought were interrupted by a hand waving before his face, and he looked up to see Becca sitting up, as she desperately tried to calm a wailing Eden. Sam reached out, taking her from a relieved Becca. They found out early that nothing made Eden calm down faster than lying in Sam’s arms. That made Sam so unbelievably proud, that he’s actually _good_ at this, at being a father. When he held her close, he could feel the vibrations from the sound she was emitting, which calmed him. A babies screaming wouldn’t be considered calming, normally, but it grounded him. She stopped almost instantly, closed her eyes as she let herself be lulled to sleep by Sam. Becca was smiling at them, a peaceful _real_ smile, which was unusual these days. She was exhausted. Having a baby was hard, not just the labour, but caring for her constantly. Sam tried to be there as much as he could, help with what he was able to do. But it was still too much for two _teenagers._ They were lucky to have Kelly and Goride there, but in the end, it was Becca who did the most.

“Hey, what are you thinking about? You disappeared on me” Becca signed, and Sam shrugged in reply. It was hard to sign when he had his arms full of baby.

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been distant lately, more and more. You can tell me if there’s something on your mind, you know?” Her eyes had that look she got sometimes, it felt is if she could look into one’s soul and see everything in there. This was it, she had given him a perfect opportunity to tell her everything. Even if it was too late to be with Grizz, he still needed to be honest with Becca. His best friend. He gently moved Eden to the foot of the bed, laying her in the nest of blankets.  
“I have. There are things I should have told you, before. Before Eden. I lied to you. And I’ve been wanting to tell you the truth, but I wasn’t… strong enough. So I lied and lied and now it’s too late.” Sam was signing fast, searching for a right way to say it. He was rambling, delaying the moment of truth.

“Sam, I get it. If you’re having second doubts about Eden, I _get_ it. It hasn’t really been a dance on roses”. Becca’s hands were moving faster now, with more energy. She had tensed up, as if preparing for something horrible. Fuck.

“ _No._ That’s not it at all. I love Eden. You know I do. It’s something else. I- you remember thanksgiving?” Sam’s never been so nervous. Not even in that moment before his first kiss with Grizz, his first kiss _ever._

“How could I forget?” Becca joked lightly, but concern was visible on her face.

“Well. I missed dinner, right? I was somewhere else. _With_ someone else” Sam’s hands were almost shaking too much for his words to be visible, but he knew Becca understood.

“What do you mean? Like _with_ with someone?” Becca didn’t have a look of anger on her face. Not even betrayal or pain. On the contrary, she looked _excited._ Sam breathed out. _She wasn’t angry._

“Yeah. We hung out all day, and we kind of… lost track of time.” Sam knew his blush would give away what they did to anyone with half a brain. Becca surged forward, carefully avoided Eden, and grabbed his shoulders.

“I can’t _believe_ you! You _slept_ with someone and didn’t tell me?”

“I was scared of how you’d react. I was worried that you’d think that meant I wouldn’t be there for Eden. That I’d leave you alone to be with G- him” Sam was so close to telling her everything about him. About Grizz. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t _out_ him like that.

“So you like him? It wasn’t just a one time thing?” Becca was calmer now, serious again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I really like him. But I can’t be with him, not anymore” Sam felt tears prick in his eyes, but he willed them away. He didn’t want to cry over Grizz.

“Not because of me, right? I want you to be _happy,_ Sam.” Sam wanted to cry even more. Because this is what he wanted. What he _needed_ to be with Grizz. If only he’d gotten his shit together earlier, so he and Grizz could _be together._

“No. It’s not because of you. It’s my fault. I waited to long to tell you, and he left. I get why. He didn’t want to hide, and I can’t force him to.” Sam sniffed, subtly (trying to be subtle, at least) wiping a tear away.

“Wait. Why the hell do _I_ need to bless your relationship or whatever? What do I have to do with it?” She looked confused, as if she couldn’t come up with a _single_ reason. “ _Shit._ He thinks you’re Eden’s dad!” She signed when it hit her, and Sam didn’t really have anything to say in response. “Thank you. For not telling him. I know you must’ve wanted to. I didn’t want you to lie. Not to him, or to me. We’re _best friends._ Even in this universe. We tell each other everything”.

“I’m sorry” Sam signed, before he pulled Becca in to a hug. When she pulled away, she had a smug look on her face. That can’t be good.

“It’s Grizz. You like Grizz, right? I’m right, aren’t I?” _Fuck._ Of course she’d figure it out. Of fucking course. He thought about denying it, for a second, but stopped himself. He’d had enough of lies already.

“Yeah. It’s him.”

“You should talk to him. _Fight_ for him” She signed, and Sam almost rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t a romantic movie. He told me he was done with this, and I just have to respect that” Sam wanted to believe his own words, he really did.

“Bullshit. This might be your only shot at an actual relationship, you can’t throw that away.”

"You're right. You're always right. I just think it's too late. He gave me a chance to fix it, and I blew it." Sam moved from the uncomfortable plastic chair to the bed when Becca reached out to him, giving him an awkward sideways hug.

"If he likes you, he'll listen. I'm sure of it." Becca signed, hugging him closer. For a second he thought of that night, when he and Grizz spent the night entangled together, hugging each other whispering stupid things like  _I'll_ _never let you go_. 

The two fell asleep like that, hugging each other close on the small hospital bed, with baby Eden between them.

 


	5. Fireworks light up the sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam didn’t know what to think. Logically, Grizz should be avoiding him like the plague, but he wasn’t. We was friendly, as if they didn’t fucking break up the day before. He was acting as if yesterday didn’t happen. Actually, he was acting as if nothing ever happened between them. And Sam hated it.

Sam woke up with a sore neck and a handful of Becca’s long brown hair in his mouth. The two of them sharing the uncomfortable hospital bed wasn’t ideal or pleasant in any way, but neither wanted to be apart. Sam refused to leave, and he knew Becca wouldn’t want to be alone. She was fierce, strong and very capable of taking care of herself, but he knew she needed someone by her side. Eden was sleeping, which was an uncommon phenomenon. Everyone knew that babies usually didn’t sleep through an entire night, but no one could predict how many times she would actually wake up in the course of one night. Hopefully It’d get better soon, Becca deserved to rest. Sam untangled himself from the sheets, stretching to reach his phone laying on the bedside table. _9:42 AM_. Both Becca and Sam had been excused from their daily tasks, thanks to Eden’s arrival. Not that people actually did anything nowadays, at least that’s what he’d been told. The election had everyone at the edge of their seats, but Sam barely knew anything about it. People were reluctant to tell him anything, answering his questions with vague sentences or bombarding him with questions about Eden. They’d ignored the subject last night too. _Last night_. Sam sat down, almost overwhelmed. The guilt and embarrassment was back, settling in the pit of his stomach. He fucked things up. Grizz was _gone_ , at least gone from Sam’s life. It was stupid, to feel so worked up over a guy he’d only actually known for a couple of months, but it felt so _right_ , to be with Grizz. To kiss him and to be kissed _by_ him, as if there’s nothing in the world that matters more than that kiss. He didn’t think he would have that, his chances of finding someone in the _real world_ were low enough, and suddenly he was stuck in this parallel universe with his high school classmates. So there weren’t many guys to choose from, not many guys he’d actually want. _I’m gonna die the perfect christian virgin_ , is what he said to Becca. He was joking, sort of, to lighten up the mood. Because that’s what he did, he joked and used sarcasm to hide how much it actually hurt. And what would he be without those jokes? The sad,   
deaf, gay guy. Not really something to put in his CV.

A hand in front of him signaled that Becca was awake, so he looked up, assuming she had something to tell him. He furrowed his brow when he saw that her attention was at the door, greeting someone. He turned his head and saw Gordie and Grizz (which _didn’t_ make his heart beat twice as fast). He hadn’t expected to see him so soon. He hadn’t expected Grizz to be here. Not after yesterday. He had looked so hurt, so _heartbroken_ , and Sam expected him to stay away as long as he could. Maybe he was being childish, making everything about them. _Making everything about yourself. Can’t handle not being the center of attention. Always making sure_ mommy _and_ daddy _loves you most._ Thoughts like that snuck up on him sometimes. He _knew_ they weren’t his own, he _knew_ that they were the product of years and years of living with Campbell. Years of Campbell feeding him thoughts that made him _hate_ himself. He liked to think that Campbell held no power over him, not any longer. But there were days when the fear paralysed him, when he could feel Campbells hands on his throat, hear his taunting voice, when all he could see was his empty, cold eyes. He forced himself to focus, to snap out of it. He watched as Gordie talked, but he couldn’t make out what he was talking about. He was grateful when Becca turned to him, translating.

”They’re here to help with the nursery. Grizz offered us his house, it’s been empty all this time” Becca smiled, and only Sam could see how smug she looked. He knew how much she enjoyed playing matchmaker, and putting him in the same house as Grizz was probably her genius idea. He looked over to Grizz, who was still standing in the narrow doorway, even when Gordie had made himself comfortable in one of the chairs.

“Thank you, Grizz. But we don’t want to be any trouble” _I don’t want to cause you any more pain_. Grizz gave him a halfhearted smile, shrugging slightly.

“It’s the best option. We can’t stay at Allie’s, and anyway, I don’t think any of us want to be alone right now.” Grizz was right, of course he was.

“-some stuff we can use, but it’ll take a while to get it all to Grizz’” Gordie was talking again, but Sam hadn’t paid attention to him. He was busy staring at Grizz, looking for signs of _anything_ , sadness, pain or even hate. But he couldn’t find anything, and he didn’t know if that was worse. Becca didn’t translate this time, but Sam guessed he talked about the nursery. He stood when Gordie did, and looked over to Becca.

“Will you be okay, on your own?” He signed, which made Becca roll her eyes.

“I’m not alone, Kelly is just a phone call away. Besides, I can take care of myself.” She was teasing him, as she pushed him with one hand closer to the door.

As they walked, Gordie explained their plans. Apparently, one of his neighbours had a baby just weeks before _everything_ , and logically, they must’ve had everything they needed. It didn’t take too long to get there, but it felt longer. Sam glanced over to Grizz so many times he lost track, trying to not look too much (an impossible task). No one tried to start a conversation, another time Sam probably would have filled the air with jokes, but he didn’t have the energy to. They avoided the street that went past the church, not wanting to run into someone. Not that Eden was much of a secret now, but they all wanted to avoid whatever drama that was going on - Sam was still kind of pissed that no one would actually tell him what was actually going on.

When they arrived, Gordie went straight for the doormat, lifting in to reveal a key. When the other boys looked at him questionably, he shrugged.

“What? It’s the most common place to hide a spare key!” He unlocked the door, and they stepped in to a dusty hallway. Sam could see the burglar alarm blink, but they ignored it. Who would notice? The police? They went upstairs, where they guessed a nursery would be. They split up, looking into all the rooms, taking what they thought would be necessary. It was Grizz who found the actual nursery at the end of the hall, gesturing for the other two to come closer. The room was spacious, probably a guest bedroom they remade. A crib stood in the left corner, surrounded by big stuffed toys and pillows. Sam went over to a set of drawers, which contained both clothes and extra blankets. Grizz silently handed him a backpack, and Sam stuffed as much he could in it. He didn’t look to closely, but they weren’t picky, they couldn’t. He found boxes of diapers, the hospital had some but not enough to last. He saw Gordie packing bottles and what he guessed was some kind of pump for milk, and Grizz was in the middle of dismantling the crib - or _trying_ , at least. The sight of Grizz struggling with the crib was so adorable it almost hurt Sam’s heart, it almost made him forget how _weird_ things were between them. He approached him, offering his help. Grizz shrugged (again), continuing his work. Sam did his best to help, but it was harder than it looked, okay? When they finally managed to take it apart, Grizz looked over to him, a smile on his face. A genuine one, not the half one’s he saw before. Sam smiled back, and had to hold back the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

“We should probably start moving” Grizz said, signing along - terribly, but it was still the sweetest thing Sam has ever seen.

It was awkward, walking to Grizz’ house with their arms filled with baby stuff and the crib, it took longer than they thought it would. Sam wanted to be back at the hospital already, he didn’t want Becca to be there alone for too long. They dumped the stuff in the hallway, and Sam took one of the bags and filled it with everything Eden might need immediately. He was ready to leave when Gordie grabbed his arm.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go alone. We don’t know what people might do now that the curfew is gone.” Gordie signed with ease, something Sam was always quite impressed with.

“There’s no curfew? Since when?” He asked, frowning. Why did no one tell him that? Honestly, being lied to gets old real fast. Gordie sighed, shaking his head.

“Long story.” Was the only thing he said, before turning his head to where Grizz was sitting. He must’ve said something. Grizz came closer, grabbing a jacket from a hook on his way. He must’ve seen Sam’s questioning look, because he mumbled something Sam thought looked like “I’ll follow you to the hospital”. Sam didn’t know what to think. Logically, Grizz should be avoiding him like the plague, but he wasn’t. We was _friendly_ , as if they didn’t fucking break up the day before. He was acting as if yesterday didn’t happen. Actually, he was acting as if _nothing_ ever happened between them.

Neither of them talked as they made their way to the hospital. Sam wanted to, so bad. He wanted to clear this all up and forget everything bad that has happened between them. He opened his mouth to say something, but Grizz said something first. Sam only caught it because - as always, he was staring at Grizz.

“This doesn’t have to be weird. We don’t have to hate each other, because of what happened.” Grizz briefly made eye contact with Sam before looking away, staring at something behind him, as if anything else was more interesting than Sam.

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I’m not allowed to hate you, Grizz. _You’re_ the one who gets to be angry, after what I did.” Sam answered in a rush, probably messing up the words.

“I don’t hate you either. I just mean that we can pretend that this didn’t happen, for now at least. We have other things to worry about.” Sams heart broke just a tiny bit more, at Grizz’ reply.

“Is that what you want? To pretend as if nothing happened between us? To pretend that I - pretend as if I don’t have feelings for you?” Sam knew he was probably pushing it too far, but he couldn’t help himself.

“I don’t know, Sam. I don’t _regret_ I what happened, I don’t want to forget it. But it’s all so fucked. I had this stupid fantasy, that we could be together, even after everything with the baby. But I don’t know if that’ll ever happen, not now.” The shine from the streetlights illuminated Grizz face, highlighting the tears in his eyes, like in a movie. He looked beautiful, like the statues at museums Sam would be careful not to stare too much at.

“I told Becca” Sam got out in a rush ”I know that it’s too late, and that this probably doesn’t change anything. But I wanted you to know. And if you can forgive me, I’ll be here. Because I want that too, I want to be with you. I _need_ to be with you” Sam didn’t know how much Grizz could actually understand, he was shaking with nerves. When Grizz didn’t say anything, Sam got even more nervous (he didn’t know that was possible). “Grizz, say something. Please” He said, as he felt his eyes sting. Fuck. He wouldn’t cry in front of Grizz, again.

Grizz opened his mouth, after what must’ve been hours - though probably just a minute went. Suddenly he flinched, and looked around. The sky lit up, which caught Sam’s attention. Fireworks. They were coming from somewhere close, flying low. Grizz must’ve reacted on the sounds. A rocket flew past them, only a couple of feet from where they were standing on the street. Grizz grabbed his shoulder, pulling him away from the street. In the daze, Sam vaguely saw grizz mouth “People are shouting, a lot of them” _What. The. Fuck_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story! I’ve been having trouble writing, partly cause my computer broke down, but I’ve also had trouble finding inspiration. This isn’t beta’d, so please point out any mistakes.
> 
> Feedback is very appreciated!


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